first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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