she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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