Less talking, more tequila
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
