my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
