Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
