I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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