i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
