Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
