What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
