Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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