My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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