Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
