Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
