bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
