One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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