i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
