he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
