I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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