I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
