I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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