I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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