What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
