Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
