I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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