is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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