I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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