sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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