Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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