You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
