why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
