My liver just broke up with me...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
