KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
