Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
