Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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