saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
