please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
