I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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