Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
