Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize