Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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