I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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