I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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