i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
