The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
