Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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