I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize