I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
