i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
