operation have a gay friend backfired
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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