Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
