So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
