hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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