i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How's work?
Spinning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
