Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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