I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
