just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
