Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
