I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
