I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
