well I can't set my house on fire every night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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