i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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