Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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